By River Song
On a Seesaw Made for One
“I don’t see why this person has to be mentally ill just because she had a life that doesn’t conform to some familiar image we have in our heads. I mean, maybe she was living the life she wanted. A life without the hassle of other people.” – Claire Fisher, Six Feet Under
Once, during a lucid dream, I began to perform a sex act in the middle of a busy street. There was no need to seek privacy, after all, as I knew myself to be dreaming. In spite of this realisation, however, and my total lack of inhibition, I nevertheless heard shrieks of “Oh my God,” and similar expressions of shock, coming from the people around me. It seemed that, even though I was completely free to do as I pleased, I couldn’t escape my subconscious expectations of how others were likely to react. And so, beyond my immediate focus, those expectations determined the backdrop to an otherwise very deliberate experience. This is the insidious nature of conditioning, and until we are able move beyond it, or at least understand it, that conditioning will control and dictate our every experience, not only from cradle to grave, and during sleep, but long after our physical bodies have expired.
The powers that be have always known how this process works, of course, and so the world we see today is by no means the result of natural evolution, but rather the product of thousands of years of social-engineering and mind control, by those who serve the Master of Puppets…
“The world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes.” – Benjamin Disraeli, first British Prime Minister
“Since I entered politics, I have chiefly had men’s views confided to me privately. Some of the biggest men in the United States, in the field of commerce and manufacture, are afraid of something. They know that there is a power somewhere – so organized, so subtle, so watchful, so interlocked, so complete, so pervasive, that they had better not speak above their breath when they speak in condemnation of it.” – Woodrow Wilson, U.S. President
“We are opposed by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy.” – J.F.K.
“If you tell a lie big enough, and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.” – Joseph Goebbels
“Culture is not your friend… It is your operating system.” – Terence McKenna
“Civilization is a conspiracy. Modern life is the silent compact of comfortable folk to keep up pretences.” – John Buchan
“Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.” – Oscar Wilde
“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government, which is the true ruling power of our country. We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind.” – Edward Bernays
“The whole world lies in the power of the evil one.” – 1 John 5:19
“Anyone who wishes to be a friend of the world is constituting himself an enemy of God.” – James 4:4
We are here in the world by choice, it is said, in spiritual circles. And yet all decisions have to be based upon something. And indeed they are: our inherent conditioning… A meaningless bundle of thoughts and desires which originate, for the most part, from previous lives within this controlled reality. So whilst it may indeed seem that we have chosen to be here, the truth is that what we think we want is merely the output of a fundamentally mechanistic process, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the concept of free will. And so we remain in this conditioned and delusional state, this cycle of birth and death, this illusion, not by choice, but ultimately because we are too afraid to live the truth of our own aloneness. A fear which also ensures our conformity, if not to the status-quo, then to something – anything – which give us a sense of belonging.
“The greatest fear in the world is to be left alone.” – Osho
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” – Jim Morrison
It’s for this reason that Jay was so reluctant, initially, to establish any kind of group or community based around the concept of Introfinity. To do so, he apparently claimed at the time, would be ‘more than a little ironic.’ And even now I sense that he is not entirely comfortable with what has emerged, nor with the demands and expectations that we, as a group, place upon him – daily. Yet he has been persuaded, for the time being, at least, that some sort of bridge or ferryman is needed to help people across the expanse. Although, if you actually put it to him like that, he’d most likely say “what people?” – a reminder to himself, I think, that there’s truly only one us here. Certainly, he insists that the Academy is a reflection of his own desire to feel useful, rather than any need by ‘other people’ for an escort out of the matrix – something which is destined to occur, with or without his help. Indeed, something which he says has already occurred, outside of linear time.
I’d gotten to know Jay a lot better following our moment of passion in the library. And we had started to share, not only a bed, but our very dreams. Every morning we’d wake-up and recall our nightly adventures together. And so, after one exceptionally vivid experience, in which we literally cruised the rings of Saturn, I barely felt the need to compare notes. “Wasn’t that wonderful,” I enthused, expecting him to agree. However, my remark was met with silence. Only after some further prodding did he admit that he had ‘other matters to attend to’, and hadn’t seen me at all during his dreaming. “Or perhaps you just don’t remember,” I suggested, hopefully.
“No, I’d remember,” he assured me.
“Then how do you explain it?” I asked him. But he clearly didn’t want to discuss the issue. “Hey, what’s up?” I probed, sensing a problem.
Jay struggled to find the right words, but eventually questioned why it mattered whether he had actually been with me or not. “If I had simply agreed with you,” he pointed out, “you’d have been none the wiser. And so you need to meditate upon this question, of what difference it actually makes, because that’s really what all of this is about. Which is more real, in other words: The conditioned product, or the product of your own imagination? And whose imagination is it, anyway?”
I already knew, in a way, where his question would lead me. But I wasn’t at all sure whether I wanted to go there; whether I was ready to cross that particular bridge. Suddenly we both seemed very hesitant to grasp the nettle. It was Jay who breached the silence first. “Can you verify my presence, even now?” he asked.
“Don’t,” I pleaded, resisting an urge to cover my head with the pillow.
“River,” he said, firmly.
“We can’t talk about this,” I insisted, as if it were somehow taboo.
“We talk about it every day,” he reminded me, “in fact, we do nothing but talk about it.”
“But this is different. This, as you say, cuts right to the heart of the matter, in a way that terrifies even me.”
Jay reached across and placed his hand upon my chest. “You feel it, don’t you?” he said.
“Like never before,” I admitted, my heart racing.
“Just be with the fear,” he advised, “know it, accept it, merge with it.”
“God, it’s so…”
“Primal?” he interrupted.
“Yes. And, I don’t know… intimate.”
“Interesting choice of word.”
“What’s happening to me, Jay?”
“You are close to seeing the nature of yourself, and others, with absolute clarity. Fear is the final barrier.”
Suddenly I started to laugh. “You know, all of this time I’ve been thinking that ‘other’ meant everyone except me. But I am just as much other, aren’t I, from a higher perspective? I mean, I am just as much a product of the matrix as everyone else.”
“That’s right,” Jay confirmed. “And so it’s not so much that you were dreaming of me, last night. But rather that you were dreaming of River, dreaming of me. Do you see the implications of that? Your need for River is directly proportional to your need for the illusion of others – and to your fear of being alone.”
“You’re saying that I fear aloneness, not simply as River, but actually in the absence of River… In the absence of individuality. And so I cling to her; dream of her.”
“Yes. And this is what blinds you to the truth. When you are able to let go of her, however, and to the world which spawned her, River will be yours, in freedom, for all eternity.”
“I have seen everything going on under the sun, and behold! It is all meaningless – like chasing the wind.” – Ecclesiastes 1:14